Since we knew that a record of these events of this weekend in Las Vegas would be vital to future civilizations, we kept score:

Arrive 10pm. Schele greets w/ beer. Hampton upsets Iowa State.

11pm. Dinner @ American Cafe. Discovery of the chunky water.

1am. Midnight bowling @ Orleans. Chris beats Andrew while bowling left-handed. Twice. Pete goes lefty. Joseph bowls a 210.

3am. Gambling @ Excalibur. Carey wins $95 in 20 minutes. The Napoleon sign comes out.

6:30am. Chris wakes up early and jogs the strip. A lot of weird people on the streets at 7 am.

10 am. Breakfast @ Il Fornaio.

12pm. CMC brings out the Skoal. First info on the anal sex secretary.

3pm. The worst basketball in history. Chris whips Andrew.

6pm. Drinks and dinner at Gonzalez y Gonzalez w/ Benjawan. Carey delivers a physics lecture. Many Napoleon impressions ensue.

9pm. The worst food coma ever. Joseph wimps out and goes to sleep.

11pm. Kelso arrives. Treasure Island. O'Sheas. Buffalo fucking in the weeds. Cheetah's. Carey and the lapdances. Taxicab hell.

9am. Rick arrives. Breakfast @ Il Fornaio. Sleeping periods.

12pm, Lunch @ Food Court.

1pm. Mike walks the strip. The Star Trek Experience.

5pm. Hoop at IP. Al yells at CBS. Pete pursues a 3some. Carey and his spacing. Near-brawl w/ the Dookies.

7pm. Trip to Coldstone Creamery. G$$.

9pm. Dinner at Gallagher's. Al picks up on Dave. Mike gets a thong. Kelso tells the pig story. CMC explains the anal sex story. Al wimps out and goes to sleep.

12am. The bet is updated. CMC drops trou, shows nuts, rubs ass on Joseph. Joseph wimps out and goes to sleep. CMC and Pete compare ass hair. Final gambling quest. The filibuster. Pete reunites with his 3some girls.